I'm not going to lie... I've had a bit of a dark cloud hanging over my head this past month. My grandma, who has Alzheimer's, was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. She hasn't been herself in quite some time now....
The wedding, of course, was really rough on me -not having her there. I always thought that if my grandparents were alive they would be at my wedding...but my grandma is not the same person now. Sometimes I don't understand how that's possible. I don't understand why my grandma doesn't know who I am or why she won't talk to me... or why she wasn't there to celebrate the birth of her great grandchild or my wedding.
I know, obviously, but it's hard not to go back to childlike questioning. If you knew my grandma at all, you would know that THIS ISN'T HER. She used to playfully smack every single person that would come across her path and make us all laugh like crazy... and now she can't even form a coherent sentence. How is this her life now?
In addition to these thoughts, this means now my grandmas on both sides have had both Alzheimer's AND breast cancer. I'm a bit of a pessimist so sometimes I can't help but think, great this is what I have to look forward to.
Honest truth: I was having this pity party for myself as I was driving home from work one day and a peppy. upbeat song came on the radio... it changed everything. I don't even know what the song was about, but it made me want to take control of the things I have control over and not to worry about the other stuff. I have no control whatsoever as to what's going to happen in the future, but I can control what's happening to me now. I have a life to live. I have things I want to do; things I want to see. I want to travel and live happily until... I can't anymore.
My grandma has lived a good life. And I want to do the same.
#EndAlz
